i think im terrible at juggling balance into my life.

things i had,
people i once knew,
those who were once played important roles in my life,
are now gone.
like poof gone.

i miss them, really really miss them. i feel so remorseful that i've said those terrible things to them before. but the nails've been driven in; taking them out will still leave holes. this one is probably worst wrong turn i've ever made in my life. never before had i felt so alone and so outcasted. sure enough, i've had a new character casted into my world, but i've lost much much more. losing the latter is definitely not the price i paid to bring in the former; i've just played my hand bad, so how to i recoup my losses?

i dont know how to face these people anymore, maybe they've just forgotten about me, deemed me as someone not worth they're time; i want to be involved again, for they are my memories of my youth. they are the ones who i should have chosen at that point in time, but i fucked it up over and under.

someone tell me, what should i do?


waihong, lost.

feels like forever since the last time i had a mood to blog. turning more and more stoic as the days go by. maybe its a mechanism to make time pass faster; to be less willing to be involved in activities that could risk ending up in getting my ass busted for being helpful.

as they all say: act blur live longer; garang die faster.

today marks the last 5days of my SOL. i should be glad, but this single fucking SOL has burnt away so many things i've been anticipating for. i've been in camp for a total of 13 days already, i've missed Dreams III, and a chalet.

its hard trying to pretend everything is okay.

i'm trying hard to be okay.

i miss going home,
i miss going out,
i miss my baby,
i miss that 2days of freedom.

maybe i just don't want to be pitied. too independent for that. but even so, that doesn't mean i'm happy about being kept in on SOL.

I. Am. Not. Happy.

i just appear to be.

sheesh.


waihong, SOL-ed.