as if typing a script for theatre is not enought, i've migrated to the blog to continue typing! and at 4am in the morning. joy.

and as the nights draw longer, my mind goes into autopilot. unable to think of what's important right now. basically haywire. (hence i'm at the blog)

i wonder how long has it been since i talked to you? probably almost 2 months since we had a decent conversation that could last more than 2 sentences. and i think about all the past times, there was always a basic level of communication available. you'd call if you're bored, i'd IM if i were.

now, even smsing seems impossible. much less call or IM. you've been on my mind some times, and i would wonder how are you doing, or if you're ok. although i could pretty much guess given facebook etc. i wonder if you're waiting for me to try again? or you're still at square one: not comfortable talking to me.

right now projects are killing me, and i dont really have the mood to take up a pencil to write a snail mail. so i was thinking that maybe emailing might be a better option?

well, not to say you'd even read this space. heck. i'll just send an email. and see what happens.

Waihong, out.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder.


I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.
I don't wanna ever love another.
You'll always be my thunder.


So bring on rain,
Oh, baby bring on the pain.
And listen to the thunder.

Boys Like Girls - Thunder.

i still have that one letter i've yet to write.
that one letter that should be containing many thoughts of mine that i couldn't convey.
that one letter that should be asking questions i couldn't ask.
that one letter that should be flowing with my feelings.
that one letter that should be written, but isn't.

and now when i come to think of it, what do i want written in the letter? i've been going on and on and on, and now i can't pen into words what i've been saving up to ask. not to say it doesn't matter anymore, although emotionally diluted, but logically still focused. i just can't seem to remember! D:

from one point of view this might be a good calling, that things are getting diluted as time goes by, that my feelings are slowly calmed.

then again, when i turn back and look at my demise, and saw what the screwed-up-me could not do, there's the urge to complete the task i set out to accomplish, although with different objectives now. logically speaking.

im not too sure if it isn't my brain forcefully deleting bad files from my memory, but i wished i had them now cos i need to remember what i wanted to ask.

impatient me thinks that 
snail mail is somewhat i tad too slow.
gives the recepient too much time to think
thus allowing them to create a perfect reply
which may not entirely reflect their thoughts at the moment.
this is why i hate snail mail.
and it takes wayyyy too long
for the snail to come back with a mail.

Waihong, out.

there's so much other more important things to do, but yet i chose to blog instead. 2 journals for Utheatre, model design for CGP, Java for CAOS, i've really got no priorities do i?

only until recently i've started to realise there really are people around me that will accept me for who how i am. people who are willing to flow along with my mindless chatter; people who are willing to play along with my reckless frolic. to all these people out there, i thank you and you will always be cherished.

standing around in a circle and yakking on about nonsense has never made so much sense to me before. the feeling's are all coming back. the warmth i've lost somewhere along my journey. the sensation of being needed and appreciated. a playful pat on the back, a sincere smile, the comfort of just being with one another.

its like all my senses been diluted to the point i became so self-conscious, so self-centred that i forgot the world around me. and it took such a ridiculously hard blow to knock me to my feet. now the world seems entirely different. from a metaphorical point of view, i feel like a wild stallion running through the greens. i can hear the wind breezing pass my ears, feel the sun beating down on my skin. i actually feel good.

someone commented, saying that my blog makes her wanna slash her wrist everytime she visits, and frankly i agreed with her. looking back all my old post made me wanna slash my own wrist. i mean, how did i ever grow to be so dark and emotional? did i think it was cool being emo?

but i've decided that all those older stories of mine, should just be branded as bullshit. they aren't worth crap to even revisit, maybe with the exception of my jellyfish post [: i'm gonna start leaving the past behind, there's a bright new day ahead of me everyday! people to pokefun of, ladies to impress, guys to bull with, jellyfish to blog about! YES.

i've just realised how superbly long i've gone on for, and haha, i'm starting to feel so silly about all these. i mean, i've never been so cheery about my life and now here i am blogging like a little girl who just got a new doll.

goodbye old me, it was fun while it lasted.
but now it seems that all you did was screw us up.
so here is the new me, shoving a knuckle into your face.
"this is for being so fucking emo." 

Waihong, out.

looks like its back to the snail mail.

hopefully this way we can resolve our problems.

and i personally hope i can find another motivation in life.

its not that i'm not trying to move on either.

we just lack the understanding we used to have.

i mean, i'm not good with waiting. especially that i have to wait for nothing to happen.

and i'm impatient as hell.

hence thats why i'm getting frustrated while i wait.

hope you can understand this.

well, the next time you will me would be on paper

so i guess this space might be dead for abit.

i don't know why i feel like this all the time, and neither do i want to push blame unto someone else. i am trying my best to stay sane and distracting myself from all the negativity. but even so i don't want to keep running away from the issue. i want to face it. pointblank.

i am ready to face up to the facts. but its now you who's delaying the procedures. you want this to end? then do it fast. stop being distracted by anything else.


i've got my heartbroken. and yet i have to be the one telling you all these? im not sure i should feel proud or you should feel ashamed.

running away is not gonna help anyone or anything. you know it.

it has to end. you have to end it.


Waihong, out

it has been quite a some time since the start of this whole mess, and frankly speaking, i'm running short on fuse to burn. for everyday that this crap drags on, i'm burdening myself with the fact that i've ruined someone's life, and i might just snap and really go crazy. (guys it's just a figure of speech. ain't really gonna happen)

yes, i did say i'll wait for you. and perhaps you could be so kind to at least talk to me. no point sounding so nice on your blog, it just sounds like a bad cover-up story. don't talk about my life like it is yours when you don't understand shit.

to mr. good friend:
i know we have had a number of misunderstandings and conflicts unresolved. you seek to let them wriggle off by themselves but i want to let you know, what you've done, what you've tried so hard to possess is intimidating me. and i need time to cool off, to let it sink down. and i feel this cool off is best for both of us. you have your time to adjust to a more less hectic lifestyle. nevertheless thank you for being someone so close to me for these few years. i really treasure you. take care and no more wellowing in depression!

yes and please treasure me lots. thanks. I'M FUCKING WELLOWING IN ANGER NOW!!

come on. face up to this. if you truly believe that there's nothing wrong and you haven't done anything wrong then why the shy-away? i've been trying as hard as shit to be ok about all this, and i already am. the really matter now is YOU. what the fuck is wrong with you?

if you're never gonna be ok with me in this lifetime, then tell me to fuck off. i will be fine with that. no need engage me in a hide-and-seek tumble and then leave me to hang dry. things are not gonna resolve themselves like evaporation. tell me what you want and it shall be done. i've had enough of you and your boytoy hiding away in the wardrobe.

and especially for HIM. stop being such a pussy. you're making me regret that i tried to be nice.

if you're actually reading this. stare long and hard, cos this is the real emotions i've been bottling up. and if you are getting a kick seeing me fucking up my life, please do drop me a call to say you're having a good time. cos seriously, one phone call won't hurt. i'll even pay you your 5minutes phone bills.

till this point, i've never wanted to be playing the bad guy. but its precisely it is this point, i realised there is a need for a bad guy to make things move faster. don't mistaken this declaration for me trying to ruin us, cos for a while now, its you who's been ruining us. patience doesn't pay.

i'll speak of some truth:
i've subtly become more flirtatious in my behaviour towards the ladies around me (hope they don't mind).
i've also started reconnecting with some of the people around me.
i've started speaking my mind more often.

i'm trying to make a change to my own life. and frankly, i am feeling rather good. but there's always this you thats bugging this revolution.

ok, i've said more than what is needed already. i never thought this point would come this soon. perhaps as last words before i go, i shall tell you this: if you two really are serious about getting together, why bother keeping the relationship a secret from your corporation? unless its all a sham, or a fling.

well thats about all so...
Waihong, out.

ps. i apologise for the increase in profanities used in this post.