k i've lost my handphone. and so now i'm phoneless, contactless, and couldnt care much nontheless. why? cos i'm working all week and probably no one's gonna come call/bug/sms me unless they've got some impt thing to convey.

but anyway. this goes out to anyone who reads:
GIVE ME A HOLA IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LEND ME A SPARE PHONE FOR 1 YEAR UNTIL MY MOBILE PLAN EXPIRES. I WILL BE ALMOST ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO YOU AND THE SPARE PHONE YOU LENT TO ME. I WILL BE AVAILABLE ON HOMEPHONE 65832302 AT NIGHT AND IN THE MORNING OR YOU CAN CALL SOMEONE I KNOW TO TELL ME THAT YOU'VE GOT ME A PHONE. THANK YOU.

yup. and thats that.

stupid of me to have not noticed my phone fell outta my pocket on the bus to work..

and oh ya. to the person to found my phone:
IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE RETURNING THE NOKIA5700 XPRESSMUSIC YOU FOUND ON THE BUS 358, PLEASE CALL ANY OF MY FRIENDS IN THE PHONE CONTACT LIST TO LIASE WITH THEM TO CONTACT ME. AS THE SIMCARD IN THERE IS EQUAL TO WASTED METAL NOW. I WILL ALSO BE ALMOST EXTERNALLY GRATEFUL TO YOU AS WELL. THANK YOU.

oh sorry to anyone who wants to contact me. i'll be trying my best to find a substitute until i decide to buy a new phone or come up with some ideas.

With endings come beginnings anew.

i swear i feel so fucked now i could turn a tree into used toiletpaper.

i must have been retarded to think you'll need my concern.

alright since i can be easily thrown around and you dont seem to give a shit about it,

i'll just fuck it

pretend it didnt happen

and if anyting else happens

i'll also pretend nothing happened

even if it happened to you

as of now

you're still not sending me any words of conern

shows that all the "important person" you always referred and depended on

has been all a lie

i feel like an "important BACKUP PLAN" more than anything else

like i've said:

its gonna be worse if you've saw him texting those to me and not give a shit about it

not that i hoped you stopped him

i wish you didnt so i can have fuel to anger myself

life is full of regrets isnt it?

especially those decisions made, blinded by situations and emotions

when the best solution could have been just a "head's bang" away from the wall

make me kinda wonder if i would have picked a different choice

if i had just banged my head instead of wreaking my mind to think

geez.. i've been wasting too much time wallowing in distraught and self-pity

its about time i've taken a step out of my tortoise shell

not that im saying im a tortoise

i've been too comfortable for far too long

time to find new things to do

things hopefully i've never tried before

and reset the pathetic state of my mind

right?


ps. anyone knows where i can buy Trinity Blood's Novel series? not the manga or anime - THE NOVELs.

i guess i'm only happy when it rains.

yes indeed i believe that the best way to phrase how i feel right now.

for moments in time,
the pain i thought i could endure..

it got too painful,
and i succumbed to it.

its too painful to be there for you,
when you only saw me as a loving brother.

on the other hand, sadly,
i still foolishly pull myself nearer to you.

but never near enough to finally ease the pain.

right now, i've lost you, your friendship, and more importantly,
your love.

i've tried so hard to keep your smile going,
to let you know there'll always be someone there for you,
always a shoulder for you to depend on.

a person who will listen to all your heartfelt words,
someone who you'll accept unconditionally into your life.

i know i've lost my chances by belief,
and maybe our past wasnt exactly the most vibrant.

it hurts to see you never turned back to look,
who you might have left behind,
someone who once played the part of your comforter,
someone who saw you through your saddest times,
someone who tried to make himself a place in your heart.

and now its all gone.

just as i beared my emotions to you.

i wonder if this is the telltale signs
that its better to keep a mask
over my emotions.

my sorrow
my desire
my aspiration.

it looks like the only emotion
i'll ever need to wear
is joy.

farewell
my beloved friend,
sister.

and maybe
i'll see you again,
you'll see me again,
with the right face on.

it ends and starts from here.
today.
now.