i dont know if its my misperception, but lately i've been feeling a little empty. feeling as if i've given too much. sacrificed to much. and received peanuts in return.

perhaps in the past, i may be used to receiving peanuts. but that's because i only gave up peanuts.

im confused. im lost. need a form of guidance, need a form of comfort.
need a Direction.

will someone kindly offer me a detailed walkthrough for my life? its feeling pretty f**ked up right now, i could use the extra help.

this feels like a middle-age crisis falling upon a coming-20 year-old. impatient, angsty, reckless. its a bad blend of bad ingredients.

maybe its time to recollect. recollect fragments of me i've given away to those who mattered, and those who don't.

my teacher was right:
its either i'm really helpful, or downright stupid.

she might not have meant anything behind it, but i wished i had saw the silver lining earlier in my life. being really really helpful to others, is shortchanging yourself. because, not everyone will realised you're helping, and much less appreciate you for it.

i've lost my status quo. and i need to get the balance back. between taking and giving, between helpful and stupid.

and although i don't want to put this into practice, but i will say this:
If you don't need me, then I don't need you either. Don't come crying to me when your world caves in.

my world comes as a give and take "trading centre".

a very long whle in fact, since i blogged.

many many things have happened since start of school until now, almost a month has passed already.

but lets just focus on the "right-nows" shall we?

"right-now", is the rehearsal for PC's own production called "DREAMS II: Celebration for Cause". (punchline named by yours truly:D) but im not really gonna be saying much about it. or rather, i'll talk about other aspects of it. MY aspects. (HAHA.)

it seems only after entering poly 3 have i realised that, there is a wanting to leave trails of myself in school. trails that say "Waihong was HERE."

see,
i love my club.
i love the people in my club.
i love the people my club has allowed me to worked with.
i love the things my club has allowed me to do.
from passion comes love [:

there has been many ups and downs, lefts and rights, being in PC. but everything - EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING - that has happened due to being in PC has made me grow, even by just a tiny bit.

and maybe thats why i've grown exceptionally attached to PC. nothing people say can make me leave PC. sure, once it was due to friendship + passion that led me there, but now, passion is all thats keeping me in. nothing less.

i dont wanna leave PC, even if i leave school, i still dont wanna leave PC. just as this club has seen and made me grow, i have seen and made the club grow. from its reduced state from when i first entered as a junior crew, to now, where i can state proudly that i am the club's secretary (ok i know im not the sexiest of secretaries). i gave my time, sweat and blood, in return of incomparable satisfaction and personal growth.

every show, production, or even just plain simple gatherings, i feel so elated just knowing i belong to this awesome club that does its job so quietly and yet so essential.

and so i shall end here saying this: