well here it is, the final 6 hours before 2010. and here i am slouching at home in front of this screen typing a blog entry.

but of course, this post is special. as i continue tapping my fingers into the keyboard, i started to reminisce about the year that had just past as fast as a snap of the fingers.

a year filled with frolic, laughter, tears, frowns, heartfelts, heartbreaks, loved ones, friends, family etc. there's so much emotion contained within my memories.

and come next year will be a new start to collect new memories while the old ones are kept away. inevitably there will also be bad things that come with the new year, but thats also what makes the new year worth looking forward to isnt it? to see how much i've grown in the past year.

in 2010 will mark the start and end of many things in my life. i will be graduating from my title of a student, become an NSman, and of course, i'll be 20 years old. no longer a teenager anymore. that means i'll have to grow up even more to survive the currents of the adult world, to be more independant and more stable. no more whimpy attitudes and childish tantrums.

but even i as i turn into an old man, i will have to remember one thing. friends. the very people that have supported me when im down at my lowest; flown with me when im at my highest; and simply sat with me when life seems mundane.

to my friends, i give you this one promise: i will be there for you, just as you have been there for me. all of you are important to me as water is to fish. without you, there is no waihong. lets make 2010 an amazing year!

and not forgetting the one person who gave me the most amounts of heartfelts and heartbreaks, i will give you your time and your space. i wish you nothing but the best, and if you think im not up to it, then so be it. all i ask of you is to not take me for granted. i admit i may have expendable amounts of time, but that doesnt mean i like to be exploited.

there might be turbulences with the coming of the new year, but even so, i hope you dont forget about me. the rift between us is as big as hell already, so dont make it any bigger alright? i know i wont. here's to us and the new year.

ok enough with my mushy messages. to all who reads this on time: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! (in.. 5hrs 45mins)

good luck to everyone who will try to send out smses at 0000hrs x)

Waihong, out.

yes i'm having this odd bout of dulan-ness around me today. feels like everything is not going well. not at all.

my thoughts were cloudy, couldn't think straight at all. i'm ill. very very very ill.

physically i'm down with a cough that gives me hell at night. having been lacking rest for almost a week already. and the restlessness is taking its toll on my mind.

not to mention that my mind already wasn't in good shape right from the start. its been torturous. everyday i wake up with a swirling headspin of thoughts i just can't get out of my head.

nothing is going well i'd say. Nothing.

though i strongly believe my physical health and mental health are interlinked. as long as both are not recovering well, the other will not either. and the worse news of all: they both are not recovering well, even on their own.

i feel like i'm in a semi state of concussion, having an imaginary clamp tightening on my head. i know i'll eventually recover from my cough,

but who will help me recover from my slashed up heart?

i know there are the people who say "she's screwing up your life", and also "we're/i'm concerned about you going crazy". but seriously, its not that i'm taking all of you for granted, but sometimes there will bound to be somethings that will diss your friends off. somethings you want, someone you like.

right now, although everyone is saying its for my good, and i really really appreciate the good thoughts. but who i really want is. yeah. you all know the answer. you could reprimand me for it all you like, but thats how stubborn i've become. and i really love who i love.

like i've said before, i will make attempts to like what you guys may like, though it may not be entirely. so i hope that at least some of you will become and encouragement to me instead of a rebellion.

sorry guys, but i love her. and thats my resolution.

Waihong, out.

oh look! its Santa and the 3 hoes!

i don't know for how long can i hold my resolve regarding this matter,

just hope that keep my resolve will yield some results.

see ultimately i'm the stubborn one, perhaps the scaredy-cat in the story.

when bad things happen, some will sympathize, some will capitalize. some will do both.

wonder which one will i be when it eventually happens?

resolve resolve resolve.

will my immature resolve be strong enough?

Waihong, out.



-just one smile and one sweet kiss, from the heart.

managed to make it back at slightly past 2pm, thinking that i could ask you out for lunch. and yet, looks like time and luck is not on my side.

everytime i think of you, 1001 things come to my mind, things i wanted to say so much, but don't have the balls to. because i'm afraid that you will hate me. yet there are things i will say, things like I've missed you the most when i was gone.

sometimes i wonder, if i should just leave you be, and not to care or be concerned for you. how would things end up? will you just take it for its surface impression and leave me be as well? or will you come back to me, saying you need me in your life?

all thesacrifices i made for you, i'm guessing they will never come back. you don't even know that i made sacrifices for you. or perhaps they just aren't worth enough to you. my time, my energy, my heart and soul. now i'm the one thinking, maybe i'm the expendable one here. gave too much, asked for too little. doesn't pay to be on my end.

sometimes i wonder if you even read my blog, where all my feelings are poured out here.




















NO. i don't think you do. 'cause if you did, you would know.

tonight is the last night i'm gonna spend in M'sia.

started of with immense feelings of depression from having to miss out my xmas parties in SG,

to unparallelled boredom in the prayer halls,

to rekindled brotherhood with my cousins,

to the mini-excitement of attending my first cosplay convention,

and finally, to now, the burning passion to go back to my birthland.

never had i wanted to go home so badly, where all the mundane occurances in life happens.

i know i will eventually come to miss everything good that has happened these entire week -

Kammy, Karmen, Kay, Kit, Eric, Edward, and Clement, you will all be missed!!

the next time i'll get to see them would be... after NS? by then the little ones would be growing, the growing ones would be grown, and the rest of the story.

and also not forgetting my equally loved peeps i've left abruptly in SG!

I'M COMING BACK!!

oh and sorry, i didnt buy back any xmas gifts apparently.. >_<

arghh cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait!!

okok i shall be going to bed in a while. last words here.

Waihong, out.


P.S: if you've even wondered - no i didnt cosplay.
P.P.S: anyone out there who cares for me, please buy me a pack of good cough drops! khnxbye.

-loves.

and of course, there was you too:)

YOU KILLED MY FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDEY!!

more can be found at here and here

later on today will be the last moments of granny on this mortal world before the cremation. expecting to see a lot of brawling from my 姑婆s and perhaps my aunts as well.

i'll blog more about it when i come back.

pressed for time.

Waihong, out.


P.S: Cousin, its a pity you're not able to come.

I AM BADLY DEPRIVED.
everyone's out to play, while i have to suffer the sting of incense smoke and the ringing of prayers.

somebody please help me!!

or you can come online at 1am to accompany me [:

this is waihong - deprived, bored, ill, and getting more ill,
out.

Countdown to Singapore: 72 hours and counting.

hello hello first post ever made in Malaysia. first post ever made during the course of a funeral.

"am i bored?" you ask me.

HELLYEAH I AM!

not all the time though. only during the prayer hours.

1930 - Prayer Session I
2030 - Break
2100 - Prayer Session II
2145 - Break
2215 - Prayer Session III
2300 - End of Day

the prayer consists of 3 buddhist monks chanting what-seems-to-be-chinese.

and so i was thinking: if my christian relatives can avoid the prayer, me being non-buddhist.. can i avoid it too?

oh well.

on the other note,

MY HEART IS STILL LODGED IN SINGAPORE!!

to those who partied yesterday, "How was it?"

to those who are going to club tomorrow, "Have fun! Take more pictures too [:"

to those who thought about me, "I'm fucking bored outta my mind."

not to mention im on the verge of a fever, spamming vitamins to stay alive.

ok i gotta go back to the parlor.

more to come in the next days i guess.

will be heading back on Monday.

Waihong, out.

damn i have to miss 2 engagements for a funeral.
its not that i dont love my grandmother, it's just super untimely.
how badly i have anticipated the gatherings.
i am more saddened knowing i'll be missing my last party with my PC guys and girls, while i am still an official member inside;
and also missing 5712's first club gathering.
not that i'm trying to be unfilial, but..
why now?!

i could cry at the thought of missing my gatherings,
thats how much they mean to me.
people, please feel sad for me not being able to join you all.
kthxbye.
will be in Malaysia from today until end of the week.
please miss me lots...

filled with middle age uncles prancing about a smallish stage with oldies playing in the background.

i've come to realise how gigantic my paternal family tree is.. lets do some maths!

my grandfather's generation has 10 grandpersons including himself.

each grandperson bore an average of 5 children: 5 x 10 = 50

each child(now middle-aged) has a spouse: 50 x 2 = 100

each family has an average of 2 kids: 50 x 2 = 100

so in total.. grandparents + parents + kids = 10 + 100 + 100 = 210.

i'll murder whoever asks me to draw my family tree!!

heck there are even cousins my father didnt knew he had..

oh hey at least the food at the wedding dinner was above average.

and there was also this pretty girl at the dinner. she was kinda hot to add.

BUT! her dad and my dad are cousins, which means we're cousins. now that sucks. she really was a pretty little one T-T. what a waste.

well i gotta go shower and sleep. toodles~

trivia info: my dad once designed text for tee shirts. what a surprise!

a more refreshing look to compared to my previous blogskin!

this time, this bugger is hand-coded entirely by ME!

buttttt anyway, here's a tiny update on whats been happening:-


i've come to realize that there's no real other way to stop the pain from coming back.

if i care, it will hurt. and if i don't, it also will hurt.

so.. how now brown cow?

so many occurances in my life i've wished i've dealt with differently.

the insane repressed feelings of foolishness leaks into my mind whenever i think about these occurances.

my memory can be easily divided into two distinct emotions: Nostalgia and Regret.

Nostalgia for all the fun times i experienced. Regret for all the mistakes i've brought about.

the Nostalgia is uncomplex: simple, pure and wholesome.

the Regret is otherwise: complicated, tainted and fragmented.

but there's not only purely Nostalgia or Regret, there are occurances where both emotions come into play. things i've missed yet felt bad for.

hmm. i really feel like a doomsayer of my own life.

toodles.

breath dry as a desert,
legs heavy like lead.

his head held high,
eyes to the moon.

the lonely wanderer finds his way back to where his heart is safe,
never once turning back on what was left of his demise.

he sang as he journeyed,
songs of hope and love.

"no matter how much i hate you,
i will still love you one way or another."

last words spoken,
hearts opened.

paths decided,
heart broken.

"this is the most logical choice after all,
and logical what i'm made to be."

worry not my love,
it is for you that i live and breathe,
it is for you that i break and mend.

and it is for you,
that i leave.

can't.. sleep..

must be something bothering me.


admittedly there has been quite a bit of drama happening outside my social circle.

the drama is probably first of its kind in my coming 20years of living.

and damn, its draining me away.

i'm losing whatever motivation i once had.


just this evening/night i stoned quite few moments already.

all because of you.

and i am reaping what i sowed, some many years back.

its until now i finally understood what is meant by you reap what you sow.

but is it too late to be asking for a miracle?


tell me somebody: to move, or not to move?

although there already has been a rejected opinion of to move.

am i too passive for my own good?

will i ever get out of my own wormhole?

swim! Waihong swim!


i need a direction, and indication, that i am passing the right judgement.

that i am making the right decisions for my life.

saying that, i believe i will have to force myself to bed.

mundane life begins in the aftermoon again.


hopefully i'll still be able to smile sincerely.

i'm too emotional for my own good.