this is becoming a morbid habit.. late nights. late mornings. goodnight world.

how would everyone be like if there wasn't a Waihong in their lives? and even if there was, what if that Waihong wasn't like me? what if he was nice, gentle, sociable and cool? very much unlike my current crazy, rough reign.

sometimes we unknowingly take the people around us for granted. we let ourselves believe that those people will always be there, tirelessly and endlessly. even i too have taken many persons in my life for granted, and for some, i've paid prices.

we're all humans. we all deserve a level of respect and gratitude. no one should be allowed to deny another's rights to ask for these simple essentials. but then again, it is human to err. and we all do. no normal being has led an error-free life. everyone has made mistakes. and it is those mistakes that i learn and grow from. yes some mistakes may leave trails or scars, but it is up to me to follow the paths of scarrings again, or to avoid and choose another. life is presented full of options and choices; life is a choice itself.

... and i think i'm ready to make another choice i've been avoiding for so long. i might have shamed myself for wasting precious time, but that again has thought me to seize the day. choices choices choices. now thats another phrase for life.

too dramatc a past and too much time makes me stay up super late despite having a meeting in the morning. and the worst possible thing i could waste my precious bed time on is to dwell on the past.

looking back at the mess, putting pieces back together and finally seeing what the entire picture looked like, makes me feel that i was so conceited. conceited beyond comprehension. wasted my time away, and the price i paid was incredible. im sure many dudes and dudettes out there will reprimand me for dwelling on my past again.. but whats done cannot be undone. i have that crappy a past.

as i move forward on the timeline, history displays itself like a movie in my mind's eye. i watch the plot build up, the conflict develop and eventually unfold. and now in the conclusion is where i stand. everything should have a happy ending - is what i would like to think. but sometimes another question would appeal to me: where exactly does it end? and based on that, does it mean it will end when it's happy? i really do hope for everything to be well and happy in the end. until the matter is cleared, i believe i will always be plague - by my guilt, my envy, my wrath, and lastly, my pride.

well its time for my power nap, or i wont survive the meeting.
Waihong, out.

i yearn for the strength to condone.
i pray for the will to perservere.
i desire the end of matters.
i wish for clear skies ahead.

does anyone out there think i'm an emo? see, shuhan said i exude an emo aura, especially whenever i'm alone. so i need to confirm this observation of hers.

though at some point i do agree with her, that i become reserved when i'm alone. but still is it so bad to the point that i exude an emo aura? i mean considering my regular behavior around people, i seriously do not think that i'm emo in any ways, except when i'm by myself.

well, call it emo, aloof, or anything else. i call it powersaving mode. there's no need to behave exuberantly when there's no one to hype with right? and i think its a natural thing for me, being alone most of the time... so if i really am an emo, would that make me a natural emo? or perhaps a part-time emo would be more appropriate. at least i dont slash my wrist (:

dear friends, leave me a comment in my board aye?

Waihong, out.

man, how often i wished people would do this to me, to put their arms around my shoulder. makes me feel appreciated. despite being way taller than most my peers, doesnt mean my shoulders are used to being snowcapped. and even though i may appear to be nonchalant, or perhaps even emotionless, its all just a facade. i'm just no good with showing emotions with my face.

i not sure why, but some people think that i have a "big brother" image. but hey! even big brothers need to wind down sometimes, can't always be "big" all the time. "big brother" syndrome is in fact due to the fact that i am literally "big" and have always been taking care of the "not-so-big" people around me. being taller makes me feel more compelled to care for others. not that i'm belittling you guys below me, just a reflex reaction.

i wish someone would come along and relief me of my reflex reaction. someone who could make me feel weak and turn me into the one who needed be care for. and that someone will obviously also require my care and concern! and the mega plan will start its cyclic motion: an endless cycle of caring (:
now ain't that a sweet sweet plan?

i admit that being a guy, skinship is a definite easier way for me to connect to people. people whom i can touch feels more real to me than a verbal relationship. i mean whats wrong with friends putting their arms around another?

well this just could be another ranting post, or it could be my heartfelt words. either way, well, meh. wish i can extend a hug to someone who needs one now, or perhaps a bear hug might be even better!

toddles people! have a hug-filled day ahead (:

Waihong, out.

it might be just melodrama, but i'm starting to feel the "argh" of graduating.

the GEM 5 concert might have marked my last event as a Production Crew crew. as the concert drew to a close, while all the dancers rejoiced, the audience applauded, my heart sank to my feet.

this really is the end.

and as i walked home at night, a song come onto my playlist, Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. listening to the chorus, the lyrics flashed through my mind, their meaning struck deep into my heart.

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing

yes, it almost seems to be expressing out how much i do not want to leave PC. i dont want to just graduate and part from PC as if it was meant to happen. i'm certainly certain that i will miss PC to no end, the simple times where everyone could just gather in a circle and talkcock. and of course not forgetting the taupoks.

it might feel a little childish, but i wish poly life could be a little longer. a little more time to play, to soak up the experiences. a little more time for me to stay in PC.

sometimes i wonder if it was me who helped cultivate PC to its current "splendor"; or was it PC that nutured me to who i am right now. its definitely feels like a nuturing attachment to the club and its members. though i know i will always be welcomed back, i do not even want to leave at all.

even typing this post brings me to the verge of tears. juniors might think its an overreaction, but try putting yourself in my shoes.

it is a place of acceptance to me, where the people i meet and the things i do are appreciated and appreciative.
it is a place of learning how to grow up and meet life on the edge.
it is a place i love and was loved.
it is a place i cannot bear to part from.

alright my nose is getting mysteriously runny, i shall end here and leave you all with the song that started all this emotion.