sometimes i wonder if its better to be ignorant of certain things. well, what you don't know can't hurt you right? true to a point - provided you never ever find out about what you've been ignorant of. ignorance is not bliss; ignorance just means you're lucky.

feelings and thoughts contradict sometimes, but i guess thats how things work being a creature of emotion. now that i know what-i-know, seems like there will be quite a bit of work to be done, and a certain level of understanding to be nurtured. its should no longer be my thoughts my feelings, but rather my thoughts her feelings. or if more better - our thoughts our feelings.

with a fickle mind beats a fickle heart. with a fickle heart grows fickle emotions. how much does it take to tame them all? what does it take to be able to do so? playing the right cards? saying the right words? doing the right things. i need to return to my old self, before 7th june.

there's the heartache knowing i've changed so much; i've lost so much. i wonder how is it like for other enlistees. have they lost just as much as i have? was the old me really such a queer find? i don't wanna change away from the former me. i like how i was before. i dislike the current me. i've lost my strongest trait already, what more do i have to lose? i hope all these is only tempoary. that i'm just swept up in the sudden change of pace.

looks like i need to be in control of myself more than ever now. desperation strikes after 17 days of confinement. now more than ever. if only losing fats was as easy as losing my mind. sigh. i wonder if i should privatise my blog, so as to be more lenient with my information censorship. paragraphs after paragraphs cleared to prevent scrutiny.

i often wonder what i would see if i could read your mind.
would i see the consistency of thoughts?
or would i be blinded my the myraid of feelings and emotions?
a queer treasure you are, how do i make you mine?


Waihong, out.