i dont know if its my misperception, but lately i've been feeling a little empty. feeling as if i've given too much. sacrificed to much. and received peanuts in return.

perhaps in the past, i may be used to receiving peanuts. but that's because i only gave up peanuts.

im confused. im lost. need a form of guidance, need a form of comfort.
need a Direction.

will someone kindly offer me a detailed walkthrough for my life? its feeling pretty f**ked up right now, i could use the extra help.

this feels like a middle-age crisis falling upon a coming-20 year-old. impatient, angsty, reckless. its a bad blend of bad ingredients.

maybe its time to recollect. recollect fragments of me i've given away to those who mattered, and those who don't.

my teacher was right:
its either i'm really helpful, or downright stupid.

she might not have meant anything behind it, but i wished i had saw the silver lining earlier in my life. being really really helpful to others, is shortchanging yourself. because, not everyone will realised you're helping, and much less appreciate you for it.

i've lost my status quo. and i need to get the balance back. between taking and giving, between helpful and stupid.

and although i don't want to put this into practice, but i will say this:
If you don't need me, then I don't need you either. Don't come crying to me when your world caves in.

my world comes as a give and take "trading centre".