started working back in aranda restaurant again, and remembering how it used to feel to sweat my guts out and have my arms feel like swinging pieces of meat. kinda terrible and ARGH-inducing but nonetheless, its shiokness.

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recently i've been feeling really emotional now and then again. wondering why.. is it because all the old feelings are rushing back up (and out)? or just emotional swings? who knows..

all i know is i still do have that feeling somewhere inside of me, and i have matured from 7 months and 10 days ago..

it just feels so shitty that she is just there and yet i cant reach out to her and embrace her.it stings and bites time and time it happens and yet i mask it with a smile.

what worse things can i do to her, hiding my feelings behind a smile - something so true to her. i feel bad, and yet, if i revealed my truth, im afraid things will complicate and i'll lose even more then i have.

for how long more will this mask-play act last?

someone tell me.